INT. GREGORY’S (ME). MORNING

Otter lies on the foot of a bed like a cat in a slice of sun. In the distance there are boys shouting and kicking a football against a house wall. Gregory (me) turns around in bed rubbing his eyes and yawning.

Gregory (me)
I had another dream last night.

Otter
Hmmm

Gregory (me)
I was at a –

Otter
I don’t actually –

Gregory (Me)
…poetry awards event held in a church or village hall. All the nominated poets were sat on stage. Some of them were giving readings which were surprisingly good. Then they accidentally revealed who had won before all the poets had read.

Otter
Right

Gregory (me)
And one of the poets got really angry and started shouting at the moderator – several people tried to calm him down with not luck. Finally Dawn Butler… You know Dawn Butler, the MP.

Otter
Erm

Gregory (me)
the one who went for Deputy Head –

Otter

Oh yeah

Gregory (me)
She rushed the stage and rugby tackled the angry poet and everyone cheered.

Otter
Oh

Gregory (me)
and for some reason she had a bob haircut.

Gregory sits up in bed and looks at Otter who is now licking their paw.

Gregory (me)
what do you reckon it means?

Otter
Maybe we should think about it and we can discuss it later?

Gregory (me)
Yeah

Otter
Did your friend send that drawing of me yet?

 

 

INT.  KITCHEN.  DAY

Everything is in black and white. Gregory (me) is lent against the washing machine. A pot of pasta is steadily boiling. Gregory (me) gets up to stir the pot.
Traps one bit of pasta against the side of the pot with the spoon and drags it up the side. Gregory (me) takes the bit of pasta between his fingers and pops it in his mouth.
He bites down on the pasta slowly with his front teeth. His phone dings, he turns around to put the spoon down.
The kitchen countertop is covered in used dishes including a mixing bowl with shreds of dough clinging to its sides.
He tries to balance the spoon on the handle of the pasta pot a couple of times. He ends up wedging the end of the spoon between the handle and the lip of the pasta pot.
He opens his phone and there is an image of an otter playing a guitar with a bright blue background.
Gregory (me) claps his hand to his mouth. His black and white face reflects some of the blue light from the phone. Violin music and the sound of boiling water swell.

 

 

INT. GREGORY’S (ME) MIND.  MORNING

Gregory (me)
yeah

 

 

Title Card:
“Teaching Otter to Play Guitar”

Over the title card, a metronome clicks, a slow, irregular C major scale is played on a guitar, then a confident C Major chord is strummed.

 

 

INT.  SCHOOL HALL.  MORNING

Primary School children fill into the room, wearing bright green school jumpers and start sitting cross legged on the floor in rows.
At the front of the room stands Dad in a black shirt with a dog collar, holding an acoustic guitar.
One of the children turns to another.

Child 1
That’s your dad.

Gregory (me)
What? where?

Child 1 rolls his eyes.

 

 

INT.  CHURCH.  MORNING.

At the front of the room stands Dad in a cassock playing an acoustic guitar.
The congregation is stood holding hymn books.

All (singing)
The church is not a building;
the church is not a steeple;
the church is not a resting place;
the church is a people.
I am the church! You are the church!
We are the church together –

 

 

INT.  DAD’S SITTING ROOM.  AFTERNOON.

Dad is sat on the sofa lent back playing a twelve-bar blues. Gregory (me) is sat on an adjacent chair with a smaller guitar on his lap.

Gregory (me)
Wow! How did you learn to do that?

Dad
You just have to practice.

 

 

INT.  MUM’S SITTING ROOM.  AFTERNOON.

(Off Screen) There is a knock at the front door. The door is answered.

Family Friend 1
We’re so sorry to hear… We picked you up some shopping.

 

 

INT.  MUM’S HALLWAY.  AFTERNOON.

There are several shopping bags filling up the hallway. One bag the plastic bottom tearing under the weight of bottles of fizzy drink. The other bottles greyed out, the red on the bottle of coke pops. Gregory (me) helps Mum take them through to the kitchen.

 

 

INT.  MUM’S KITCEN.  AFTERNOON.

Gregory (me) takes out the bottles of fizzy drink and puts them away. The last bottle he takes out is the bottle of coke. He gets out pint sized glass from a top cupboard and puts it on the countertop. Gregory (me) holds the bottle like a guitar, strums it wildly, windmilling his right arm, roaring under his breath to mimic a stadium crowd. He takes the bottle in both hands and gently mimics the smashing up of a guitar. He twists the lid of the bottle which fizzes. Gregory (me) dashes to the sink and tightens the lid again narrowly avoiding coke spurting everywhere.
Gregory (me) waits a couple of seconds, opens the bottle again and pours himself a glass of coke. He takes a deep wavering breath in, suppressing tears.

 

 

INT.  UNDERTAKERS.  INDETERMINATE TIME OF DAY.

Gregory (me), Mum, Sisters, Grandparents, and Vicar stand in a small space. They all look at an open coffin where Dad is lying looking like a melted wax work.

All
For thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.

The coffin lid is shut, and it starts to sound like the coffin is being filled up with water from the inside. Gregory (me) reaches out a hand to open the coffin.

 

 

INT.  MUSIC CLASSROOM. AFTERNOON.

English Teacher, Gregory (me), Drummer and Design and Tech Teacher play their instruments.

Gregory (me(singing))

Knock, knock, knocking on heaven’s door.

The music resolves. The Drummer adjusts his seat and the Design and Tech Teacher tunes his bass.

English Teacher
Greg, if you add this note into the G chord then it makes the sound a bit fuller.
English Teacher demonstrates putting the ring finger on the third fret on the second string.

Gregory (me)
Oh okay

English Teacher rummages through his papers with the chords and lyrics for each song.

English Teacher
So the other songs we’re playing are Steady as She Goes and Losing my Religion.

Everyone else looks at their notes.

Design and Tech Teacher
Yep

The beginning of Steady as She Goes by The Raconteurs starts

 

 

INT.  STUDENT FLAT.  DAY.

Guitar hardcase propped against desk, under some shelves.
Steady as She Goes by The Raconteurs fades and the sound of clacking laptop keys fades in.

 

INT.  STUDENT BEDROOM.  DAWN.

Guitar hardcase propped against wall by window.
The sound of clacking keys is replaced by the sound of flicking through YouTube videos.

 

INT.  STUDENT BEDROOM.  AFTERNOON.

Guitar hardcase propped against wall by window, a pile of washing mounds up around it.
The noise of videos is replaced by the sound of distant cars passing by the window.

 

 

INT.  GREGORY’S (ME) MIND.  NOON.

Gregory (me) is sat up in bed, his knees drawn up and balancing a note pad on them. Otter has moved position to stay in the sun.

Gregory (me)
I’ve written a poem about where you came from.

Otter
you going to read it to me?

Gregory (me)
I can do.

Otter
Go on then

Gregory (me)
Tonight – while in bed – a lily sweet smell comes
to me – I see a coffin – this time with lid split
in half – half closed – dad – still sleeping – The open
half – a tapestry pinned to its inside – A portrait of Ragdoll
starring out – fabric hands on fabric hips –

I unpin him and lay him down on a table – my hand hovers
over his torso – I touch him – his sewn body ripples –
the canvas ripples – his arms wrap around my hand –
pulling – My hand enters his portrait – dark emptiness
– my hand weaving through weft-threads –

searching for a jewel – maybe – My index
fingertip finding a tiny diamond – I stand
place it in the coffin on my dad’s
philtrum – re-pin the tapestry – The coffin fills with water
–first his skin dissolves then his skeleton sinks –

disappears – I hear the water slosh before I see
a giant onyx tadpole swim through the centre
like a spine – I close the lid – both halves –
something starts to thud around – Sounds dry
or at least only damp – like a damp baby –

I open the lid again – An otter looks up at me
from the bottom of the coffin – cocks its head
and smiles

 

 

EXT.  BRIDGE IN MACHYNLLETH.  NIGHT.

Gregory (me), Luke and Jamie stand on the bridge in the dark.

Luke
Can you hear the otters?

Jamie
I think that was it there

Gregory (me)
What do they sound like?

Luke
Sort of a yapping bark

Gregory (me)
Okay

The three of them stand for a couple of minutes listen to the otters playing in the water.

 

 

INT.  UNDER THE STAIRS.  INDETERMINATE TIME OF DAY.

A dusty guitar hardcase is propped up behind a folded Clothes Airer and some other boxes.
(Off Screen) Someone is washing dishes.

 

 

INT.  SITTING ROOM.  AFTERNOON.

A Vox amplifier sits under a stack of Dungeons and Dragons books.
Guitar hardcase is laid on top of a leather sofa. It sounds like the hardcase is being filled with water from the inside. A hand reaches out and undoes the latchets fastening the case. The hand goes to open the case.

 

 

INT.  GUITAR SHOP.  AFTERNOON.

Gregory (me) sits holding a red Telecaster guitar with humbuckers.

Gregory (me)

It is a bit expensive for me… But I’m going to go for this one.

Guitar Shop Person takes the guitar from Gregory (me) and starts walking over to the till.

Guitar Shop Person
Great choice.

Gregory (me)
Well we’ll probably be going into lockdown soon, I thought it would be a great time to start practicing again. Using the time, I would be commuting to work to improve my guitar playing.

Guitar Shop Person
Oh right. It is a bit of an investment, time and money.

Gregory (me)
Yeah – I was supposed to be going on holiday to Wales next week which we can’t do now so maybe I can use some of that time too.

 

 

INT.  HALLWAY.  AFTERNOON.

Jamie is putting bags of shopping on the doorstep, Gregory (me) waits till he goes back to the car and then brings the shopping into the hallway. Jamie comes back and puts more shopping on the step. From behind the door Gregory (me) opens an almost empty packet of wet wipes and pulls two wet wipes away from one and other. He puts one back in the pack and uses the other to start wiping down items from the shopping bags.

Gregory (me)
Thanks for picking all this stuff up

Jamie
Not a problem. Should be plenty of stuff to keep you guys going for a week or two.

Gregory (me)
Let us know how much it was, and we’ll send you over the money.

Luke
I’ve already sent it over to him.

Jamie
You been up to much?

Luke
We’ve watched quite a few films.

Gregory (me)
Yeah, we managed 4 on Saturday

Jamie
Wow.

Gregory (me)
Yeah and I guess I’ve been noodling about on the guitar fairly often. Not much constructive practice but it’s been fun.

Gregory (me) is now holding a bottle of Coke at the same angle as a guitar, wiping it down with the wet wipe.

 

 

INT.  GREGORY’S MIND (ME).  AFTERNOON.

Gregory (me) is sat on the bed with his red electric guitar on his lap – it is not plugged in. Otter is lying on the window ledge.

Otter
So you going to teach me the twelve-bar blues now.

Gregory (me)
I’m still not very good at it to be honest.

Otter
Well I guess that’s it then.

Gregory (me)
Yeah

Otter
You don’t teach me guitar then.

Gregory (me)
Well I will at some point.

Otter
Can you hear that?

There is a gushing noise like a large container being filled up with water.

Gregory (me)
Yeah what is it?

 

 

INT.  SITTING ROOM.  AFTERNOON.

The guitar hardcase is lying along across the sofa, starting to spill water through the seams. Gregory (me) opens the case which is jam packed with water.

Otter
Guess we better check it out.

Gregory (me)
Wait –

Otter climbs up the sofa and slips into the water in the guitar case. Gregory (me) dives in too.

 

EXT.  RIVER IN MACHYNLLETH.  DUSK.

An amber sun set casts light across the river. A hard guitar case lies half in the river and half on the shore. A gentle wash of river wildlife can be heard. Gregory (me) and Otter burst out of the case absolutely drenched.
There is a group of otters playing in the river.
Otter looks over to them and then turns back to Gregory (me).

Otter
Please don’t embarrass me in front of my family.

Gregory (me)
I would never –

Otter
And don’t start talking about your dreams. It’s bad enough you tell them to me.

 

Otter runs off to play with the other otters.
Gregory (me) sits on the riverbank. Looks up to the sky shielding his eyes from the last shreds of the days light.
A hard and fast twelve-bar blues starts playing.

 

End Title
“Teaching Otter to Play Guitar”

GREGORY KEARNS