A LINE FROM MY DIARY FOR EVERY DAY OF LOCKDOWN

(One single line, as it was written on the page, no more, no less, no editing)

2303   Boris announced lockdown today. No
2403   everything else is banned. It’s mad
2503   It has the song Showers by Junglepussy
2603   it is considerate and I respect his job
2703   You find yourself apologising when
2803   I started knitting today. Knitting together
2903   and my mouth is all cut open. Just

3003   me so much of me and my mum
3103   and he said I was lying to him!!!
0104   Feet will tell you a lot about
0204   her so much. I’ve got that mum-chest-ache
0304   even though they hurt you
0404   tomorrow. I need a catch up on myself.
0504   Ariana said her ward is full of people dying.

0604   It was sunny and glorious and lovely
0704   Johnson is in intensive care. Still a twat.
0804   Nature is tempting us to go outside
0904   something bad is going to happen. I
1004   panic at the thought of us falling
1104   I loved Ash and her refusal of reality
1204   she never picked up or got back to me

1304   but how I never do the same – which he
1404   just doesn’t have the first clue
1504   because of this godawful pandemic
1604   because my head is just everywhere
1704   on the other side of the world
1804   Thinking of happy day dreams only.
1904   coronavirus enforcing loneliness

2004   I miss getting on buses
2104   listening to Soft Cell – Say Hello
2204   suicide by poisonous gingerbread
2304   well worth the absolute mountain
2404   My brain is fidgety.
2504   saying words at all is a struggle
2604   to break into his brother’s house

2704   I don’t want to be spoken to
2804   skin contact makes me shudder
2904   today. People who live alone
3004   never going to cope being a parent
0105   I cried on the phone to my dad
0205   expected grief but it’s still heart-
0305   writer then. Started Normal People

0405   slipped away. What other intimacies
0505   I’m reading. My reviews aren’t
0605   phenomenal. I want newness. Me and
0705   the individual. Jasmine who is going
0805   to impact the only things getting me
0905  (writing, cleaning) but I did have
1005   some kind of fucking conspiracy

JASMINE GRAY